A world gone rude?

by Hasan Suroor

The culture of respect is fast disappearing even in traditional societies and has become virtually extinct in the West.

Over the next few months, at least three major books on the decline of manners in the modern world are scheduled to be published in Britain, including one by Lynne Truss, author of the international bestseller, Eats, Shoots and Leaves, a delightful take on the cruelties routinely inflicted on English punctuation marks, especially the apostrophe.

To those wrestling with the more fundamental bread-and-butter issues of the day, moaning about manners might seem like an odd priority - yet another example of British "eccentricity." I can already hear people say: "Oh, the Brits and their Little Englander concerns."

But there are those who believe that good manners - how we engage with others - are intrinsic to the idea of a civilised world, not blighted by class or power-driven rudeness. Manners, it is argued, are not just about thank-you-notes and, in fact, one of the above-mentioned books calls for the abolition of thank-you-notes.

Treating others

"It's about how you treat others, irrespective of their status whether it's your footman you're dealing with or it's a superpower dealing with a smaller country," said one commentator. He argued that the decline in manners was not confined to individuals but was increasingly reflected in the way "nations talk to each other."

It is widely acknowledged that the language of international public discourse has become extremely coarse in recent years, especially during America's Bush presidency and, more particularly, in the wake of the political controversies triggered by the September 11 terror attacks.

The rude exchanges over Iraq between some of the world's most senior leaders and diplomats on both sides of the Atlantic represented a new low in what passes for "diplomatic dialogue" among the international community.

Observers reckon that it was by far the worst show of temper and diplomatic etiquette by prominent international figures since the days of the Cold War. Indeed, some of the language used by the U.S. President, George W. Bush, and his men, on the one hand, and their European critics, on the other, has been likened to a "street brawl." "If this is not decline of manners, what is it," asked one critic.

Manners

Some might think this is stretching the argument about manners a bit too far but advocates of the "trickle-down" theory insist that there is a connection. They argue that when people who are supposed to serve as "role models" - statesmen, diplomats, princes, sportspersons and media celebrities - behave in an unacceptable manner, it undermines attempts by teachers and parents to promote good behaviour.

Teenagers think it is "cool" to be aggressive and rude when they hear Prince Charles swear at the media as he did recently when a "live" microphone caught him calling journalists "these bloody people," and describing the BBC's royal correspondent as "awful."

As I write this, a senior British Minister is facing threat of legal action in France for using allegedly derogatory language to describe the critics of the controversial European Union Constitution. The Europe Minister, Denis MacShane, got into trouble after he used the French term les neo'-cons to denounce those campaigning for a `no' vote against the EU Constitution in the coming referendum.

The word con which in French means "a damn fool, a bloody idiot, a cretin" and is apparently regarded as an insult, has been seized by a French MP to demand an apology from Mr. MacShane, failing which he has threatened to sue him.

Astonished

It would be easy to dismiss this as an over-reaction - as many in Britain have done - but sometimes it is good to see people stand up for their right to be spoken to in decent language.

That linguistic niceties are being increasingly taken less seriously in Britain these days was inadvertently confirmed by Mr. MacShane who said he was "truly astonished" by the French reaction as, back home in London, he was used to much more "robust" language. "Compared to the insults heaped on my head by anti-Europeans in Britain, my remarks ... pale into insignificance," he said.

And he was right. Even in Westminster, historically regarded as the repository of decorum, there is now rather a disagreeable whiff of "robustness" which both reflects and feeds the increasingly in-your-face climate outside. The term "parliamentary behaviour" supposedly stands for all that is best in manners but standards in legislatures around the world are falling rapidly. And in some countries, including India, the trend is threatening to reach a point where parents might soon be telling their cheeky children not to behave like MPs.

Once there was a notion - still entertained in some quarters - that manners had something to do with class, which was often confused with money. So anyone who came from a rich background and went to a fashionably expensive school was automatically assumed to be well-mannered, while others had to learn manners. Well, yes, money can buy you certain forms of etiquette such as how to wield a knife and fork but there is a world beyond the dining-table snobbery.

Etiquette

"Personally I don't care much about the etiquette of forks, and you can say `serviette' at me all day, I won't even flinch. This is the perfect time to reinvent the notion of manners. Now standards of behaviour can be divorced from class," Lynne Truss whose book on manners, Talk to the Hand, is expected in the autumn, said in a newspaper interview.

The fact is that despite their association with class, manners - defined as "a way of behaving towards others" and "polite or well-bred social behaviour" (COED) - have always been about culture. The famous 19th century Urdu poet, Mirza Ghalib, was prompted to write one of his most memorable couplets as a result of the culture shock he received when he moved from Agra, one of the then main centres of Oudhi tehzeeb, to Delhi and found people there addressing one another as tu rather than as the more respectful aap.

After a few weeks, he could not take it any more and screamed out: Har ek baat pe kahte ho tum ke tu kya hai, tumhi kaho ke yeh andaaz-e-guftagoo kya hai (at every turn you say tu, what is this manner of speaking). Delhiwallahs never forgave him for that outburst.

Fastidious

Forget Ghalib, there was a time when even rickshaw-pullers in Lucknow and Agra were fastidious about how they spoke to others - and were spoken to. It is said that even when they quarrelled their exchanges were couched in the politest of terms - and this despite a lack of formal education and "class" background.

In the south, even today ordinary people, irrespective of their background, instinctively address each other as `Sir' - a gesture of mutual courtesy. It is rooted in a culture of respect that, alas, is fast disappearing even in traditional societies, and has become virtually extinct in the West.

A "yob culture" has emerged in its place with schoolchildren giving thumbs-down to their teachers, and teenagers shouting "obscenities" in public.

"If you skateboard through Marks and Spencer's (weaving) ... through old ladies while shouting obscenities into a mobile, I feel you deserve to be shot," Ms. Truss said in The Independent.

Another writer told the newspaper that the way young people behaved these days, it was getting "scary." "When I was young, I would never have dared answer back an adult if they told me off. Nowadays, if you object to a kid doing graffiti, they'll probably tell you to ... (mind your own business)," she said.

Inexorably sliding

Many believe that the world is inexorably sliding into rudeness, and it is time to take off the gloves. Feminist writer and academic Germaine Greer, who finds "so much behaviour ... plain rude," has found a way to remind people they are forgetting their manners. "Everybody these days, or so it seems to me, will say: `Is there any milk' for their coffee rather than `may have I some milk.' I answer: `Yes there is some milk. Would you like some?' to give them the opportunity to answer, `yes, please'," she said admitting that she had become "cantankerous" because she had to put up with so much bad behaviour.

The imminent publication of three books on the issue indicates fears that something fundamental is under threat. When male chivalry died - unlamented and unmourned - it was sought to be blamed on militant feminism, though one would be surprised if even diehard feminists do not sometime miss having someone to hold the door for them, or draw the chair for them to be seated first. But if basic good old manners were to die, it would be a collective shame. Sounds rude?

(Courtesy: The Hindu)