For the last few days I have been fascinated by the support the self-styled godman in India, arrested and convicted of rape, has been receiving throughout the country. No one seems too bothered about the man’s crime. I looked at the classified ads this morning and saw one which said, they could make a godman out of anybody. “Become one,” said the wife, “Anyway you do have a beard, just grow your hair a little longer and continue with your eccentric ways!”
“I don’t have any such ways!” I said stiffly looking out of the window.
“There, you were looking at her, weren’t you?”
“Who?” I asked, puzzled.
“Our pretty neighbour! See you already have one of the most essential characteristics!” said the wife with a sneer. I picked up the paper and rang the number.
“Did your wife ask you to call this number?” asked a voice, at the other end.
“Yes,” I said surprised, “How did you know?”
“The wife is the first to see such qualities in her husband,” said the voice at the other end patiently, “And were you looking out of the window?”
“Yes!” I said nearly jumping out of my chair, very happy about the godman school, “Yes, but I was only looking at some trees and bushes!”
“Excellent!” said the voice from the godman school, “You already know what to tell the judge!”
“I have a beard!” I said eagerly, “And I can grow my hair long!”
“Those are not important,” said the voice, “And can be fixed with a good wig and a clipped on beard. What we are interested in is whether you should go in for the beginner’s course or the higher one. From these few questions you have answered I feel you can go straightway into the higher study course!”
“That’s very good of you!” I said, “Are there any other qualities of mine you would like to know off?”
“Are you a ladies man?” asked the voice, “Does the opposite sex like being around you?”
I looked at my wife, who was hovering around me, trying to key onto the conversation. She put her ear close to the mouthpiece to listen even more keenly.
“Yes!” I whispered hoarsely, “They love being all around, and near me!”
There was some whispering at the other end, “Guruji, we will come to your house in a few minutes, you are the godman we have been looking for! You have all the qualities needed!” said a new voice.
“You mean I can go to an even higher course?” I asked excited.
“We will enrol you immediately as our principal,” said the voice, “With you in charge, we will build our godman school into a premier institution in the country. We will pick you up in half an hour, meanwhile continue looking out of the window..!”
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