Most people play sport for the fun of it. Some do it to get fit, others for fame and fortune. A few use it as an outlet for frustration. But without doubt, the greatest reason for playing sport is the ‘tour’, stated Merv Hughes in his book” Merv and other funny stories.”
Sport has little to do with reality at the best of times. An Australian cricket tour of England is so far removed from everyday life it can at times be difficult to come to terms with. The Ashes tour of 1989 was perhaps the ultimate tour noted Hughes.
For four months, they travelled around England in a luxury bus, stayed in the best hotels, played cricket and got paid for it! On their return they enjoyed an honorary dinner, ticker tape parade, a champagne breakfast and motorcade around MCG on grand final day. All the stuff of movie stars and famous rock groups, hardly the sort of attention given to a cricket team. Particularly a team that was described as the worst ever to leave the shores of Australia added, Hughes.
He doubted that any of the players on that tour ever dreamt of achieving the success they found in England. Their record seems an incredible achievement to him even now.
They won four of the six Test matches and may have won the other two if not for the weather. In the one day series they won one, lost one and tied the other. Of the fourteen first class matches played they had eight victories, five draws, and only one loss- a remarkable result considering that some of these fourteen games were played by men suffering from crippling hangovers. Hughes reminisces that many people felt that he was lucky to be selected in the tour party since in the three Test matches before the side was announced he only captured one wicket. He remembered being terribly nervous on the day the team was to be aznounced.
At the time Hughes was playing in a promotional cricket game at Sale, in Eastern Victoria, as part of the promotion they visited the local hospital to say hello to the patients. Television film crews and journalists from the press were with them as the team was due to be announced some time that morning. This only served to make him feel worse, as his response-whatever it was going to be – would be shown all over Australia.
The news eventually came and he thought that he was in the team and that he managed to give a calm and understated expression of his feelings.
He of course felt very excited and wanted to turn cartwheels and punch holes in the roof. Dean Jones was also with them and while he was being interviewed Hughes slipped into a side room to be alone for a moment. As he closed the door behind him he could not help but yell out at the top of his voice, ’You f---- beauty!’
And there was a gasp from behind him and he turned around to find two ladies sitting bolt upright in their hospital beds. They both appeared concerned and one asked,’ Are you alright young man?’ Hughes replied that he was being picked for the Ashes.
A look of horror passed across their faces, and the other lady said, ’Oh! You poor boy!’ He didn’t stop to explain any further, said Hughes.
BEWARE OF THE PRESS
Before Hughes left for England his managers, David Emerson (Emo) and Peter Thomson organised a meeting with him to discuss the dangers of the British press. They were concerned that he didn’t realise how nasty the British tabloids could get.
Emo brought along some paper cuttings from the ‘scandal’ that led to the sacking of Mike Gatting from the English captaincy recalled Hughes and went on to state that the articles responsible for the controversy would almost be funny if they hadn’t ultimately been so harmful.
“Gatting made love to me”- waitress tells of romps” read the headline that caused the controversy. Alongside it were two photographs: one of the young woman in question, entitled ‘Louise also known as kipper knickers’ and another of Gatting captioned ‘Gatting Rough. ’The ‘rough’ Hughes was led to believe by the story, had something to do with Gatting’s sexual technique, and as to Louise’s nickname, he wouldn’t hazard a guess (readers who are familiar with the smell of kippers need not guess any further). Hughes chugged along and stated that there were some journalists in the more traditional papers who saw these circumstances in their proper light. The Sunday Express asked, ‘could the awful day be coming when the only safe person for a public figure to sleep with is his own wife?’ One writer in The Sunday Times suggested that all players (and press) be castrated to prevent further strife.
The Guardian was worried at the sensitivity of the selectors and wondered if players like Cox, Alcock, Hardstaff and Inchmore would be allowed to continue playing. Hughes indicated that cricketers did stay up late at night, drank beer and talked to women. Some of them more than the others but it were no one’s business but their own. By sacking Mike Gatting the English selectors assumed the same moral stance as the gutter press - they place a greater emphasis on sex than on cricket. Their archaic attitude has only encouraged the tabloid papers to hunt for more victims.
Hughes recalled that he informed his managers that they had nothing to worry about. His track record with women or tragic lack of one, suggested that there was no danger of any involvement in a sex scandal (worse luck), drinking wasn’t an issue as he had sworn off the beer until after the Test Matches. Before he left on tour, he had to promise to be on his best behaviour. No drinking, no talking to women, no late nights and no junk foods concluded ‘Merv the perve’ as they address him in Australia.
Merv Hughes is a good example for our young guns.
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