Countdown to a brand new New Year has blasted away. Soon it will be the one night of the year when the loaded guns all over the world are outnumbered by hordes of loaded people. Every year thousands of people want a New Year's Eve they'll never forget. Then they drink so much they can't remember it.
New Year is a high-spirited occasion, marked with grand celebrations and partying big time. It is the time when people bid goodbye to the passing year and usher in the New Year with great zeal and enthusiasm. It is one of the most festive occasions across the world and there is hardly any country where the day is not celebrated in a splendid way.
People will get together with their friends and family members on New Year's Eve to welcome the forthcoming year. Yet certain cynics describe the New Year as an innocuous yearly tradition, of no actual use to anybody save as a pushover excuse for wanton drunks, sociable calls and deceitful resolutions.
But in the estimation of the less sardonic souls among us the New Year is a great day for everyone. It is the start of a new beginning. It can also be the start of a new life if the right resolutions are made and kept. However, it is also a pretty funny time of year in a way. People often make resolutions they don't keep and do some pretty silly things at midnight.
Some of the pundits out there keep telling you to think before you drink. The truth is, when you drink you can't think. So before you drink, think. And then don't drink. I thought I had survived the frenzied seasonal stampede and made it through to Christmas Day with my decrepit body and sanity intact. Yes, I have endured running the gauntlet of the loud noisy shopping malls with thousands of people trying to maul one another. That's why they are called mauls by the more timid shoppers.
Remember, New Year's Eve never changes. It begins with drinks and ends with drunks. I am aware that some of you out there are not real party animals. I know friends who get a hangover from using mouthwash. But for those others who celebrate New Year parties over-indulgently, my best advice is to try not to get carried away. In fact, try to leave without any help at all.
What I mean is try not to stretch your tots to lots and be carried out on a stretcher. For instance ambulance services are free in places such as Hong Kong. All the drunks have to do is to call an ambulance to get a free ride to hospital where they are administered a dextrose drip and discharged to go out and start a fresh battle with the bottle.
What is it about the season and the New Year that spurs fantasies of self-reform? Is it too much food and drink? Seasonal exuberance? Lunacy induced by crowds? Every December and January, otherwise rational people make resolutions meant to transform them into organised, addiction-free souls with clean houses, healthy bodies, wholesome relationships, perfect children, and career paths soaring to the skies. They are the same vows they made last year and the year before that.
A New Year may be a significant event for many. But the absurdities of the celebration cannot escape a sceptic. Everyone I know seems to remain in 'party mode' as the season of good cheer extends to a New Year and beyond. I will be up early, and when I take a look at the 2019 calendar I will realise that a new era has dawned. With a calendar I am reminded that my days are truly numbered.
I detest the spoil sports who claim that guys my age who should know better are living out the playboy philosophy we were raised on.
These are people who hold the opinion that old hell-raisers and some maturing 'swingerettes' of my vintage should only be taking an academic interest in such wild and wilful behaviour. Besides, you are never too old to learn something stupid and have a heck of a good time in the process.
I say what better way to start a New Year than with a hearty laugh. Laugh and the world laughs with you, weep and you weep alone. So I was enjoying myself on last New Year's Eve laughing alone and the world thought I was an idiot. Hey, the year has not even started. But for me it's almost over and I still haven't broken my New Year's resolution.
That is never to go to another New Year's Eve party. Honest, I haven't been to one all year. The year before the previous year that is. Hey, but do have a great New Year. Remember to drive carefully, arrive home safely, and don't embarrass yourself. In other words, make sure you are sobered up, buckled up, and zipped up.
Yes, we can still make whoopee and remain sober, as I notice the younger ones have been carried away literally and metaphorically by the spirit of the season. And yes, I remain 'the last man standing' at the end of the wild bash.
Before I go and crash gracefully let me wish all you readers: ‘A Nappy Yew Near to You Dy Marlings!’
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