Out of the mouths of brats come some startling facts! | Daily News

Out of the mouths of brats come some startling facts!

Our kids are the light of our lives but the things they say can sometimes leave us red-faced or in stitches. While adults try to be diplomatic and polite, children just say what they think. So if they spot someone who looks unusual, their honest remarks can leave their parents cringing with embarrassment. But kids can also make the most hilarious comments out of the blue. But early exposure to objectionable vocabulary is not so uncommon. And some of the bluest and cutting outbursts that come out of the mouths of babes and sucklings can often make us see red.

No surprise then that children mimic words and phrases, because that’s just part of the language learning process. Frustrated swearing is different from a verbal attack directed at someone. You might unintentionally fire off a nasty word when you accidentally whack your thumb with a hammer.

If parents set this example of swearing in frustration, children are likely to imitate this behaviour in similar situations. For one thing, many parents let a few strong words fly when they are frustrated or forget they are in the company of kids. And some of the TV shows many brats watch, particularly on cable networks, tend to pepper the action with words such as ‘stupid’ and ‘jerk’ and ‘butt-head’.

A child’s enthralment with taboo words is certainly not something unique. Between the ages of four to six most kids get a big kick out of swearing or unleashing any raunchy word like a bolt from the blue that makes their parents turn red in the face. What children instinctively comprehend is that words are powerful, and certain ‘naughty’ words have a shockingly big impact on listeners.

The older ones engage in dropping verbal bombshells in order to impress by feeling older or to get attention. One thing you can be sure of is that children whose ages range from two to five when they hear any word often enough, it would clearly become part of their vocabulary apart from whether they understand its meaning.

But many kids speak with lisps which can be quite cute and entertaining. In all they say some of the ‘darndest’ things that have their adult listeners scandalised or rolling with mirth.

But as I said, it depends on the context and the environment. I am talking about the grandson Kingco. The only extenuating circumstances weighing in his favour are his surroundings. Little Kingco was domiciled in a country somewhere Down Under where swearing appears to be a national pastime. His Kindergarten teacher in Brisbane, Ann summoned his mother to school to be told: “Right in the middle of the lesson Kingsley began scratching his legs and yells: “Mith Ann... Mith Ann .. theeth mostiko bithes are a pain in the aath!”

And quite unintentionally he used to swap his Ls and Ws so he often says things like ‘Mmmmm, it smells like Women (lemon) in here!’ Or ‘Mmmmm….that tastes like women!’

Kingco came home from Sunday school and told his mother that he had learned a new song about a cross-eyed bear named Gladly. It took his mother a while before she realised that the hymn was really “Gladly The Cross I’d Bear.” His Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Kingco raised his hand and shouted out, “Thou shall not take the covers off thy neighbour’s wife.”

Kingco then 3 and his older brother Rex 8, were watching their grandmother prepare pancakes. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. My wife saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. “If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, “Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait.”

Rex turned to his younger brother and said: “Kingsley you be Jesus.” Then Kingco was doing his math homework while saying to himself : “Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine....” His aunt heard what he was saying and gasped, “What are you doing?”

The little boy answered, “I’m doing my maths homework, auntie.” And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?” his aunt queried: “Yes,” he answered.

Infuriated, the good lady asked the teacher the next day, “What are you teaching my nephew in maths?” The teacher replied, “Right now, we are learning addition.” The aunt asked , “And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?” After the teacher had stopped laughing, she answered, “What I taught them was, two plus two, the sum of which, is four.”

Kingco’s friend William, who he used to call Wiwiam, accompanied his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother, “There were two boy kittens and two girl kittens.” Curious his mom asked:

“How did you know?” “Daddy picked them up and looked underneath,” he replied. “I think it’s printed on the bottom.”

I once saved Kingco from an undeserving spanking when he was around two or so. He threw his feeding spoon on the floor and yelled: “I want a f$%$&* knife!” I intervened before his father walked up to him with threatening tread. I laughingly explained that what he had demanded was “a fork ’n knife!”

Another of Kingco being pulled up by his grandmother: “You’re not allowed to kick your sister in the head.” Kingco: “Where am I allowed to kick her then?”

Once, my wife explained to both of them about the different denominations of Christians such as Catholics and Protestants. Rex attempting to show off his new knowledge questioned his aunt: “Aunty, are you a prostitute?” Aunt: “What?” Rex: “Are you a Catholic or a prostitute?”

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